Rise and Shine

In the movie, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, Dustin Hoffman plays Mr. Magorium; the owner of a somewhat magical toy store. Mr. Magorium, who is 243 year old, however, is about to die. In preparation for his passing, he makes arrangements to leave the toy store to Molly Mahoney, the young woman who has been his friend and assistant since she was a child.

Molly, however, resists. For one thing, she doesn't want to accept that Mr. Magorium is going to die. What's more, she doesn't she think she is capable of taking over the toy store. In fact, she doesn't think she is capable of doing much of anything. Feeling insecure about who she is and what the future holds for her, Mr. Magorium has these final words of encouragement and wisdom for Molly...Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Mr. Magorium wasn't Molly's parent, but his advice is as paternal as it gets. As a parent, there are few things we could say to our children that have as much potential to encourage and embolden them to aspire to be who they were created to be as those two sentences: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. 

Don't say it with just words, though. Words are easy to say. You need to provide them with opportunities and resources to develop their passions and talents into goals and dreams. And then you need to be there to cheer them on as they take those goals and dreams and turn them into realities. 

For some children that means spending hours in the bleachers or at swimming lessons and meets. For some it will mean countless trips to the zoo and aquarium because they can't get enough of it. For some it will mean acquiescing to having an ant farm, lightening bugs, a stray cat or two, an injured bunny rabbit, a box turtle or two, and possibly even a field mouse in your house because your future veterinarian can't turn an animal away. For some it will mean having enough glitter, beads, paper, markers, stickers, paints, and every other kind of craft supply to keep your budding artist happy. A telescope in your living room, a rock collection to vacuum around, pompoms or ballet shoes and oodles of recital costumes...whatever it is, as a parent YOU need to help them RISE and SHINE to the occasion that is THEIR LIFE. 

Remember, though, that the occasion of your children's lives may not look like you think it should, or be a life you would choose for them...or even yourself. But if your children are happy, self-sufficient, and people of integrity, then I think it is safe to say they are rising to the occasion of their life. And that means as a parent, you have risen to the occasion of your life, too.

Love,
Momma D

                                Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                                     

Do They Know I'm Adopted?

A few months ago (before schools shut down in the spring of 2020), our seven year-old grandson and his mom were having a discussion about the fact that he is adopted. The conversation was in response to Reuben telling her one of his friends at school asked him about it. The friend, who was just curious, had asked not because Rueben is biologically Asian and his parents are not, but because someone's mom had a baby. 

In the middle of the conversation, Reuben paused for a moment before asking, "Mom, do Grandpa and Nanna know I'm adopted?" 

Olivia did her best not to laugh as she answered, "Yes, Reuben. They know." If I remember correctly, she told him how we were at the airport to welcome them home when they brought him home from Taiwan and a few other memories like that. Reuben, being Reuben, was satisfied with the answer she gave, and went on about the business of doing his chores, playing in the dirt, and riding his bike. You know--all the essentials of being seven. 

When Olivia told me about the conversation, we both laughed about it, but I have to say it made my heart grow a few sizes because it was a great big gigantic 'thumb's up' that Reuben had never ever felt different from his cousins--except the fact that he's been the only boy for those seven years among six girl cousins. It made me thankful beyond words that he knows for sure and for certain we love him just because he's Reuben. That's 'all'. 

Our kids and grandkids should all have to ask questions like the one Reuben asked. They should all have to ask (out of curiosity) if we see anything but their fearfully and wonderfully made little hearts and minds because they've never been made to feel or think that being different equals being less. 

We are all different from each other. Whether it be size, the color of our hair or eyes, which hand we use, our academic or athletic abilities, or any other on an endless list of possibilities, we are all different. So if your littles have to ask if you see them for what they are, instead of who they are...and if you can answer 'no', I just want to say...GO YOU! 

Love,

Momma D

        Copy right 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. www.dnoblewrites.com 

                                                                                                                   

Teach Them What They Don't Remember

Throughout the months of November and December, I spend much of my time speaking to students; presenting a program on WWII based on the book, "All my love, George...Letters from a WWII hero".

The presentation consists of interacting with students to find out what they know about WWII, a brief reading from the book itself, letting students look through George's original letters, pictures, the medals he was awarded for his service, and other war memorabilia, and answering their many questions. I love doing this. I'd do it just about every day if I could--and here's why.

1: I love spending time with middle school thru high school kids. Yah, I know--that qualifies me as crazy as far as a lot of you are concerned, but so be it. I just really enjoy tweens and teens.

2: I love sharing George's story. In telling George's story through his letters and the thoughts of the little brother he was writing to, (sixty plus years after the fact), we literally get to step back in time into their lives. We experience things from their perspective instead of just reading the facts.

3: I love explaining to students WHY they are able to enjoy the privileges they have and show them the faces of some who made their lives possible.

Did you get that--the fact that I have to explain why? When we say things like, "We must always remember," or "Let us not forget...." young people don't have any idea what that means because they don't have memories to remember. Think about it--they can't remember what they didn't experience. I can't even remember, because I wasn't there, either. Were you?

The point I want to make is this: We have to stop expecting our kids to remember the men and women who served and died selflessly for our benefit. Instead, we need to teach them who these men and women were, teach them the realities of WWII (and war in general), and teach them to honor and respect the history of our nation and the people whose lives and deaths authored that history.

Parents, if we want our children to have a future in the greatest nation on earth, we need to teach them to live lives of gratitude and respect for the greatest generations--those who fought to make and keep us great and free.

Love,
Momma D

                                             No part of this can be used or copied without permission by the author. Copyright 2019 Darla Noble. 

                                                                                                                                

That Moment When I Was Glad To Be At A Loss For Words

 Two of our granddaughters, ages seven and five, spent the night with us last night. Needless to say, a good time was had by all. A very good time. There was this one thing, though, that left me (almost) speechless.

Here’s what ‘happened’…

Laney has a couple of games on one of Elizabeth’s old phones. One of them is a fashion design game. The other is a gymnastics game. She asked if she could have some ‘phone time’ while Landrey was in the bathtub. “Sure,” I said. “And then when it’s your turn to take a bath, Landrey can have a turn.”

They both readily agreed to the idea, so off Landrey and I went to get her bath started, while Laney settled into a comfy chair to play the game. A few minutes later I came back into the living room and Laney said, “Nanna, come look at my girl. She took second place in the gymnastics contest.”

“That’s great!” I replied, “Congratulations.”

So far nothing out of the ordinary, right? You are probably even wondering why I’m taking up space in this column to tell you this story, right? I know I would be if I were you. Well, you don’t have to wonder any longer, because now I’m going to tell you about the ‘one thing’.

She came over to where I was standing to show me the gymnastics suit she’d dressed her girl in…and the mask she’d chosen for her.

“See? She has a strawberry mask. I like it. I wonder if they really make those.”

My knee-jerk reaction was to think to myself, “Seriously? Did she just say that? Is that what we’ve come to? People whose video game characters have to wear masks? Masks that seven year-old little girls wish they had?”

My next thought was, “How sad is that!” And I still hold to that. But thankfully before I opened my mouth and inserted my foot, I got to the place in my thought process of thinking, “I wish so much that she still thought masks were only for her momma (who is a nurse) to wear at work, but since they aren’t, I am oh so very thankful that she is as resilient and strong as she is.”

I am thankful she isn’t scared of the world we now live in. I’m thankful that she doesn’t resent the rules and that she isn’t letting this new normal rob her of seeing the world as a fun and happy place to be.

I’m not usually at a loss for words, but this time I was. And as it turns out, I’m glad I was, because had they been on the tip of my tongue like they usually are, they would have been the wrong ones. And had I said them, I would have missed out on learning a very important lesson from a very special little girl—one whose beauty (inside and out) I will never get tired of talking about.

Love,

Momma D

                                                        Copyright 2020 Darla Noble 

                No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                            

I Love You, But I Didn't Sign Up for This

When Olivia was younger she frequently heard things differently than what they really were. For example, when Alan Jackson sang, "She's got the rhythm, and I've got the blues....", my little sweetie heard, "She's got the red on and I've got the blue...." 

Our granddaughter, Essie, does the same thing. And no, before you ask, she's not Olivia's daughter. But anyway, Essie often hears (and consequently says) words differently than what they really are. Some are pretty comical, to be honest, but that's not what this is about, so I'll save that for another day. What this is about, is attitude. Your attitude when it comes to your kids and dealing with the fallout of the coronavirus. 

More specifically--school (and extra curricular activities, too). I get it. If your school district is one that is going to only be part time in the classroom and the rest of the week distance-learning, or if your school has mandated that kids have to be fever-free for 72 hours instead of the standard 24 hours, or if your school has said masks are required on the bus no matter what, or if your school isn't going to allow students to eat in the lunch room, bring their lunch from home, or any of the other things schools are doing these days, I get that it's incredibly difficult and next-to-impossible to make adjustments, choices, and decisions around these new perimeters. I get that for many of you, it's going to put a strain on your time, your budget, your everything. And for all of those things my heart aches for you. It really does. 

But you need to know this: This is NOT your child's fault and THEY are the ones who stand to lose the most. Therefore, YOU need to be very, very careful about how you present these things to your kids. In other words, oh be careful little mouth what you say, because little ears don't always hear things the way you think they should. 

Gripping, complaining, and even ranting/raving about having to be responsible for educating your kids is not going to change the situation or help it in any way. What's worse is that it sends the message to your kids that they are in the way. A problem. An inconvenience. A detriment to your career and your life. A hassle. A...well, you get what I'm saying. I have even heard with my own two ears, a couple of parents say, "I love my kids, but I didn't sign up for this." -the 'this' being distance learning. 

Okay, so we're not all teachers. And yes, the real of it all says that you have to go to work in order to feed and clothe your family and keep a roof over their heads. But oh, yes you did 'sign up for this', because as a parent, it is your PRIVILEGE and BLESSING (not to mention responsibility) to do whatever is necessary to nurture your child, to keep them safe and healthy, and most of all, to let them know they are loved unconditionally, without reservations, and in spite of the fact that you might have to change things up. Even if those changes add up to 'a lot'. 

I know I'm ruffling a few feathers here, but so be it. Our kids should always be our #1 priority. They're here because we brought them here, so we owe them no less than that. Does this mean you quit your job and become their teacher? No, not necessarily. What it means is that you stop (or don't start) sending the message that you resent the inconveniences in your life because of the upheaval in theirs. 

So, instead of whining and complaining, tell your children that the changes are hard for everyone, but that BECAUSE you are a family and BECAUSE you love them so much, you are going to do everything you can to make their school year a great one--even though it will be different than what you're both used to. 

There's no denying this virus and the pandemic it has caused, has turned the world and our lives upside down. But I'm here to say that I believe with my whole heart that our children are the ones who are paying the biggest price, and who will continue to do so for years and years to come. So, let's do our best to decrease the fallout by giving our kids our best, because for better or worse, school or no school that's what you signed up for. 

Love, 

Momma D

                 Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. www.dnoblewrites.com 

                                                                                                                

Say It With Me: Ribbons and Trophies Aren't Everything

We are a 4-H family through and through. Yes, our kids are grown and no longer in 4-H, but being a part of 4-H is something that never completely goes away. The memories, the life-lessons, the skills and knowledge...it just kinds of stays with you. And that, of course is a good thing. 

So when I started hearing and reading about all the fairs, contests, and competitions that are being cancelled or revamped because of the pandemic, my first reaction was to be sad. My first thoughts: It's not fair. The kids have worked so hard. They deserve to be recognized, honored, and rewarded. 

I still believe that--the part that the kids deserved to be recognized, honored, and rewarded. But if we really stop and think about it, who says it always has to happen in the showring or any other type of contest venue? Can't the lessons and skills be learned and memories made without a ribbon or trophy? Shouldn't they be? 

Trust me--I know these things are special. I have pictures galore, and until I gave them to the kids, I had boxes of ribbons and trophies to verify my kids' accomplishments. But I also want you to know that those things aren't what caused the skills and lessons they learned to take root and grow to help them become such amazing adults. Likewise, the memories are in their hearts and minds and can be recalled without looking inside a box. 

What I'm saying here, is that you kids need to know that the skills, lessons, and knowledge they've acquired from their 4-H projects (or similar things) aren't any less important or valuable because the fair isn't happening or 'looks different' this year. And as parents, it's up to YOU to help them. 

Don't feed their disappointment and discontent by joining them in the 'no fair' song and commiserating with them on what isn't happening. Help them see that it's not how much attention they get for doing something something well, but the actual doing that matters. Life is different now, so instead of making it worse and making it harder than it has to be, set an example for your kids on how to take things as they come, see the good, and make the best of it. Doing that--well, that's just good parenting. 

Love,

Momma D

                      Copyright 2020 Darla Noble No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                    

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I always told my kids I would rather them tell me the worst and hardest truth than any kid of lie. I told them that even if I didn't like what they told me and even it I disciplined them for what they told me about, it would NEVER be as bad or harsh as the consequences of lying. And make no mistake, lies always come back to bite you. 

Another 'word' lesson I also stressed to the kids was that words don't mean anything if your actions don't back them up. For example, I never forced the kids to say, "I'm sorry". If they weren't making them say it would be making them lie. And if they were sorry, saying so would be a natural response. 

Both of these are pretty clear-cut lessons in the truth that actions speak louder than words. And if ever there has been a time children need to know this truth, that time is now. 

I'm not here to debate whether racism is as much of an issue as some propose it to be. I'm not here to debate whether or not there need to be changes in how law enforcement officers enforce. I'm not here to debate anything. I'm here to tell you what good parenting is and how essential it is to be one. 

In this matter, being a good parent means you will: 

*Make sure your children know that talking, yelling, screaming, demanding, or bullying is wrong. 

*Make sure your children know that these things don't bring about change. Change is doing the exact opposite of what needs to be changed. For example, if you think think someone is being treated unfairly or unjustly, treat EVERYONE fairly and justly so that it will be impossible to not see what it looks like. 

*Make sure your children know that it is NEVER okay to break a law. 

*Make sure your children know that no one's life is more important than another's...no matter what color they are, sex they are, how much money they have, or what their job is. 

*Make sure your children know that they should always think before they speak, because once words have been said, they can never be un-said. 

Words can be both powerful and powerless--depending on the actions that accompany them. Please make sure you teach your kids to recognize the difference and to make sure they choose wisely. 

Love,

Momma D

                        Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.  

                                                                            

Kids and Counterfeiting

Don't worry--this isn't about teaching your kids to 'get creative' in fixing the economy. This is about making sure your kids know the real deal when they see it when it comes to unconditional love, acceptance, and the security of home.

Retail management and bankers (along with a few other professions) know how important it is to provide detailed training and instruction to their employees on how to identify counterfeit money. No surprises, there, right? But what might surprise you is to know how they do it--or rather, how they don't do it. 

They don't teach counterfeit identification by showing employees counterfeit money. That would be a total and complete waste of time, because when it comes to ways to counterfeit, from what I have read, that infamous line, "...let me count the ways...." would fit perfectly. Instead, employees are trained to recognize counterfeit money by knowing everything there is to know about the real thing. They are trained to recognize EVERY unique identifying mark of genuine currency. From the placement and significance of the characters in the serial number, to recognizing the feel of the raised printing--they are taught to recognize the real thing, so that anything less will automatically set off their 'radar'. 

Okay, now for the take-away...

As parents, we need to make sure our kids wake up to, live in, come home to, and go to bed with nothing less than the real deal when it comes to you--their parents. They need to know without a shadow of a doubt that your love, acceptance, and belief that they are a priceless treasure you value more than your own life, is unconditional, unending, and unshakeable. They need to know you won't pull the rug out from under them when (not if) they do less than their best, disappoint you, make mistakes, and when they don't see themselves in this way. 

Our kids need to know that you, who are their foundation, is real, so that when they are choosing friends, dating, aligning themselves with employers and social circles, and choosing a spouse, that they know how to choose. That they are able to recognize genuine friendship, loyalty, fairness, and the till-death-do-us-part kind of love. 

There is way more than enough counterfeit in the world trying to trip our kids up. There's no way they can learn all the signs and indicators. But when they know for sure and for certain what love, security, and family ARE, they will be able to recognize anything that isn't, and leave it in the dust. 

Love,

Momma D

                          Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                     

Nanna's Pokies

I love gardening and just about anything plant-related. I am especially fond of cacti. My grandkids call them "Nanna's pokies" and are always pointing out things in the store that have a cactus on it saying, "Hey, Nanna, you need that." Okay, so some might even call it a bit of an obsession with cacti. But what do they know, right? 😉

Anyway...

I have quite a collection of cacti, but sadly, as of yesterday, that number has been decreased by one. A cactus I got in Arizona 8 years ago, died. And yes, it made me sad. You see, when I brought it home, it was about 2 or 3 inches tall. When I removed it from its pot yesterday, it was just shy of being 3 feet tall.

So what happened? Well, about a month ago, I decided to rearrange it and the other large cactus it was potted with. For some reason, it was leaning, and nothing else I'd tried corrected the situation. But somehow in the process I injured the plant, and slowly from the inside out, it turned to mush, which is what cacti do when they die. It was a gradual process. It wasn't even noticeable until the last few days. Then yesterday, when I came home from the grocery store, it had collapsed.
Okay, now for the part where I tell you what this has to do with parenting your kids...

Sometimes you say or do things that hurt them without a) you knowing it and/or b) your kids telling you how they feel. They don't show it. They don't talk about it. Like a cactus that seems tough and indestructible with a strong (and prickly) defense system, they put on a good front.

But also just like the cactus, it eats away at them from the inside out. It slowly rips their self-esteem, their confidence, and their hopes and dreams out of their hearts and minds. Until they collapse--not always physically, of course, but they collapse just the same.

And now for the part where I tell you what you can (and should) be doing to prevent this from happening.

Be careful. Handle with care. Watch what you say. Watch what you do. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Don't assume they know what you mean or that you don't mean it the way it sounds. Apologize and ask their forgiveness when you do hurt them (because you will). Ask them how they feel and what they think...then really listen to what they say and respond accordingly. Don't expect too much or not enough. Let them know they are more than enough just because they're yours, because after all, that's what parenting is really all about.

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                              

Let’s Leave the Wonder in Wonderful

I can still hear my youngest daughter, Emma, pretending to be Ariel while splashing around in the swimming pool or the bathtub. I can also still hear Elizabeth and Olivia pretending to be dalmatian puppies running for their lives from Cruella DeVille and sitting on the floor with them playing the “Little Mermaid” and “Beauty and the Beast” board games. And not to be left out, Zach was quite the “Dark Wing Duck” fan, and to this day I cannot watch “Home Alone” without hearing him laughing hysterically at the pizza boy.

The reason I bring these memories to your attention is to help you recall the sense of wonder and imagination these movies bring to both your heart and mind. We know mermaids aren’t real, that fish don’t talk, and that Scuttle the sea gull might as well call a fork a dinglehopper, because in real life, he can’t call it anything at all. We also know puppies can’t come up with clever ways to disguise themselves, and that ducks don’t wear capes and perform heroic acts of bravery. Even the movies featuring real people back in the 90s let us use our imaginations in ways that made us laugh, smile, and just feel that childlike sense of wonder. See, you’re smiling now, just thinking about it, aren’t you? 😊

Not so much these days. The real-life versions of the wonder-filled movies are anything but wonder-filled. That’s right—I’m saying it. I’m saying the real-life versions don’t hold a candle to their predecessors.

Now before I tell you why I’m saying this and what I want you to take from it all, I want to also say this: I’m not being a ‘hater’ and I’m not saying these movies are ‘wrong’. I’m just not.

What I am saying, is this: the real-life remakes show a much, much darker, violent, and greedy view of the world. Instead of some cute little mice, a bunch of old hound dogs, or a scatterbrained sea gull putting the mean old lady in her place, or a handful of clumsy well-meaning soldiers helping Mulan save their country, we see…well, it’s not pretty.

Yes, I know real life isn’t always pretty. We're living one of the ugliest times in history right now! But we only have a handful of years to let our children revel in the joys, wonder, and innocence of make believe. And it is during those years that their creativity, imaginations, and curiosity are blooming and growing in ways that will later serve as the foundation for turning hopes and dreams into realities. But if their imaginations aren’t ignited, and if everything is presented to them in terms of the harsh realities of life, they aren’t going to dream. They aren’t going to imagine. They aren’t going to wonder. So, like I said, I’m not ‘hating’ on these movies—I’m just saying that there are plenty of harsh realities of the up-close-and-personal kind in life, so why not let your kids see the world through a softer lens for a while.

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                   www.dnoblewrites.com  

                                                                                                                       

                                                                 

We're In This Thing Together

Twice a month I have the privilege of hanging out and mentoring a group of young mommas at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group held at our church. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I enjoy this, but I also want to say that for everything I hope I give to them, they give back even more. What I mean, is that talking with them, listening to them, and just watching them share their lives with each other is so special and a true blessing. It is also a reminder that we are all in this parenting thing together and that we need to be supporting and encouraging each other no matter how big or small the concern, situation, or victory is. For example…

At the start of each meeting the group leader always recognizes moms who have birthdays and anniversaries. But after that, she always invites the moms to share the not-so-little little things, and let me tell you, there are plenty. “Both the boys napped at the same time!” “We stayed dry for three consecutive days.” “I got the laundry washed, dried, and put away all in the same day.” “C_____ didn’t have a meltdown when she touched the wet grass.” “E________ and I got to go out on a date for the first time in nine months.” “I got two weeks of meal-prepping done.” “L_____ left her glasses on.”

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in those ‘places’, but not so long that I have forgotten how good those things felt. Sure I can smile and reassure them, because I know these struggles will pass.  And let me tell you, they are thankful (and relieved) when I do (reassure them). But here's what's really cool--the round of applause we give each of these young women after they share their news. Why, you ask, is this so 'cool'? Here's why: They need to know what they are doing matters. They need to know that all the sacrifices they are making now are worth it now AND in the long run. They need to know that their feelings matter and that they aren’t making a big deal out of nothing. They need to know that just because these things are all part of being a mom doesn’t make them any less praiseworthy. They need to know they aren’t alone and that they have a support system who really and truly ‘gets them’ now…where they are at…instead of just telling them to wait and it will be over sooner rather than later.

So listen up all you older parents, and by that, I mean parents of elementary kids, tweens, teens, and adults. Be a cheerleader. Be an encourager. Be present. Be understanding. Be an example. Be anything BUT condescending and dismissive. Think back. Remember when…. And always, ALWAYS remember that the encouragement and support we give young moms can make a HUGE impact on how they perceive themselves and how well they do their job. Remember: We’re all in this mom thing together, so let’s do it…together.

Love,

Momma D
                         Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 
                                                                          For more information on Momma D, visit www.dnoblewrites.com 
                                                                         

A Valentine For Marge Take-Two

I originally wrote this post a few years ago, but in looking back over it, I realized there is more than one lesson we parents and grandparents can learn from Emma and Marge. So with that being said, I'm going to tell you this story again, but with a little different take-away than the first time around....

As parents we made sure the kids learned the importance of being kind and honest and to respect themselves and others. Of course we did our best to teach these lessons by our example, but another way John and I did this was by giving our children the gift of elderly people in their lives. We were always conscious of making sure our children knew the older people in their lives—not just by looking at them from across the room or grinning and bearing up under a few cheek-pinching sessions. No, we really encouraged them to view the older people we knew as their friends. 

I'm proud and happy to say that it worked. Over the years I’ve been blessed to receive a number of compliments from others as well as affirmations from our kids that we’d been successful in this endeavor, but one particular incident is especially dear to my heart…

Emma was three years old and excited to finally be scribbling her name on the back of her “Little Mermaid” valentine cards just like her siblings were. On the Saturday before Valentine’s Day that year, they were filling out cards to take to their friends at church the following day. Emma was telling me who she wanted to make cards for and at the top of her list was Marge. Marge was a sweet little lady in her eighties. She barely spoke above a whisper and was really a bit on the shy side, but she loved Emma and Emma wanted to make sure Marge knew the feeling was mutual by giving her the brightest, most sparkling card in the box.

I can still see Emma running to Marge to hand her the card and the hugs and smiles that followed after Marge opened it. In spite of an eighty year span in their ages, these two were truly friends.

As parents, you are doing your kids a huge disservice by not intentionally helping them foster relationships with people different they them--especially people from different generations. And grandparents, you need to be taking the time to talk to, listen to, play with, share with, and invest yourself in your grandkids' lives. Why? Because when you encourage cross-generational relationships, your children are exposed to the wisdom of those who’ve lived longer. They enjoy the fact that older people often have time and patience parents don't have. Your children learn endurance, integrity, the value of commitment and responsibility from the older people in their lives.  But the kids are the only ones who benefit. Children are seen as a welcome breath of fresh air and energy by most older people. Older people enjoy sharing their stories and life-experience with young people. It is the affirmation they need that they have something of value to offer. That their experiences and endurance hasn't been for nothing. 

Wow! Who would have thought a simple Valentine's Day card from a 3 year old little girl could do all that? But it did. And it can happen again and again, when two separate and very different generations are encouraged to walk the common ground called friendship.

Love,

Momma D

                                 Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                    

Just a Little Broke is Still Broke

Back in the days of VCRs and the movie ‘tapes’ that went in them, one of the kids (they know who I’m talking about) was infamous for ruining them. No, it was more like a curse. No matter how she (yes, it was one of the girls) put it into the VCR, it would jam up and we’d end up prying it out of the machine and tossing it in the trash.

On one particular occasion, we managed to get the tape out of the VCR without it being crumpled and torn. There was just a little crease and the smallest of tears. “It’s only a little broke,” the kids said. “We can fast-forward through that part, so we don’t have to throw it away,” they said. All the while thinking, “like we did all the others”.

I wanted to say yes, because well, because it was frustrating—for everyone including her. So much so she wouldn’t even touch them. But I couldn’t say yes because saying yes wouldn’t have changed the fact that the movie was broken. Instead, I had to tell them that just a little broke is still broke…and get rid of the movie.

Now let’s fast-forward (no pun intended) a few years. I was in a room full of high school students. As I looked around, I couldn’t help but notice their total lack of compliance to the dress code I assumed was in place at the school. When I asked a teacher about it, she said this: “We have one, but we’re too busy dealing with behavior issues, we don’t have the time or energy to enforce the dress code and other things like that that don’t really matter.”

My response was this: “Have you considered that if you made the effort to enforce the dress code and all those other little things you say don’t matter, you wouldn’t have so many behavioral issues?”

“You’re probably right,” she agreed, then walked away.

How sad…and dangerous is that!

In effect, what this teacher was saying is that she and her coworkers were telling a high school full of impressionable teenagers that a little broke is okay—that a little broke isn’t anything to bother with. I strongly disagree and I hope you do, too.

As parents, when we tell our kids it’s okay to break the rules we don’t want to follow, and that if we don’t think a rule should apply to us, it’s okay to just ignore it, we rewriting Aretha’s song; changing the lyrics to D I S R E S P E C T…. And when that happens, well, we end up with teachers saying discipline problems make up the bulk of their day.

I’m not saying there is never a time or place to question some of the rules or to call for changes to those rules. Not at all! There’s a right way to bring change but breaking them isn’t it. And as a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your children this truth—not just by your words, but by your actions, as well. So, if we take the time and effort to teach our kids that there’s no such think as just a little broke when it comes to the rules at home, they’ll be far less likely to think it works that way in the world, aka school, sports, work, friendships.

Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear what you think.

Love,

Momma D

                                    Copyright 2020 Datrla Noble, No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.