A few years ago I wrote a post for this blog title, WARNING: Bad Mom Moment Ahead. In
it I wrote about having to leave our dog, Maggie behind when we moved and how I
told Zach it would be fine—that we’d get another dog. I made it sound like any
dog we got would be as sweet, loyal, and as smart as Maggie. I made it sound
like people and pets are meant to be disposable and temporary. Ouch! What was I
thinking? Answer: I wasn’t. Shame on me!
My original purpose in sharing this incident was to remind
you that we aren’t perfect people, so we cannot be perfect parents. I reminded you that we’re going
to make mistakes, but that we shouldn’t let those mistakes defeat us or define
us as moms and dads.
Today, however, I want to look at the ‘Maggie story’ from a
different angle because lately I’ve had reason to think about just how tender
and vulnerable our kids’ hearts are no matter what we may think or even how we believe
they are processing what’s going on around them. So keeping that in mind, let’s
continue the ‘Maggie story’…
Because we’d moved in the fall of the year, John and I
decided to wait until spring to get Zach and the girls another dog. So for
Easter we got them an adorable beagle puppy they named Bonnie. Bonnie was
indeed a cute puppy. She was also
absolutely, positively, undeniably the most disobedient, dog on the planet! No
matter how hard we tried (and did we ever try) to get her to settle down and be
a real pet, she fought us at every turn. The kids couldn’t enjoy her because all
she wanted to do was run as fast and as far as she could possibly run. In
short, she was no fun.
After several months of intensively trying to change her, and failing miserably, the only attention Bonnie got was
to get fed, watered, and to have her pen cleaned out. And all of that was done
rather begrudgingly. But can you honestly blame them?
FYI: We finally gave Bonnie to a man who had other beagles. He was confident he could “…bring her around”.
FYI: We finally gave Bonnie to a man who had other beagles. He was confident he could “…bring her around”.
Throughout the years we had other dogs. A few good ones, one
or two other not-so-good ones, and a few really great ones. But none of them ever
really won Zach’s heart the way Maggie had all those years ago.
I say that because fast-forward almost twenty years to one
day while he was working along the side of the highway. A dog came up out of
the woods and claimed Zach for her own. She didn’t leave his side the entire
day and when he opened the door of his truck to get inside…so did she.
He called to tell me about it; telling me how she looked a
lot like Maggie AND that he’d brought her home and named her...yep, you guessed
it. He named her Maggie.
This Maggie was also smart, loving, and completely loyal to
Zach and his young family from the day he brought her home until the day she
died. She loved each of them, but it was obvious that she loved Zach most of
all.
You can say what you want, but it wasn’t just dumb luck that
those two found each other that day and it wasn’t a coincidence she looked like
the ‘original’ Maggie. She was the closure…the remedy for Zach’s six year-old
broken heart (even though it was a long time coming).
I know leaving the first Maggie behind was something we had
to do. I also know that my handling of the incident wasn’t the worst ‘bad mom
moment’ I ever had (although I wish it was). I even know that my mishandling of
the situation didn’t ruin Zach for life. But it did leave a little scar—one I put there. So do yourself and your
kids a favor by taking a couple of valuable lessons from me and one of my bad mom moments.
One: Don’t assume that just because your children are small
that their feelings are, too.
Their hearts are huge and vulnerable. Their feelings and
emotions run deep. But because they are still
children, they don’t usually know how to process and express themselves
accurately, adequately, or appropriately.
Two: Listen with your eyes, ears, mind, and your heart WIDE
open.
It’s up to you as their parent to ask questions and then
listen to their answers; making sure they know they can answer honestly without
fear of upsetting you, angering you, or being made to feel dumb or
insignificant.
You’ve heard that saying, ‘dynamite comes in small packages’,
haven’t you? Well so do big hearts.
Love,
Momma D
Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
ZACH and some of Maggie's puppies 1986
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