IMPORTANT: What Every Adult Child Needs To Know

For the past several years I’ve been letting you in on the good, the bad, the funny, sad, and ugly of our lives to (hopefully) help you raise your children with the unconditional love they deserve and to help you guide them toward becoming the best possible version of themselves. I’ve used some interesting (okay, strange) things and situations to address everything from teaching respect, compassion, and a work ethic, to dealing with sibling rivalry, Santa Claus, and peer pressure. And based on the numbers (views, comments, and such), a good many of you enjoy reading what I have to say.

Today is a bit different, though. Today I want to give you a peek inside the heart of every mom and dad whose children are grown and on their own, aka YOU. Instead of talking to you about raising your kids, I want to tell you a little bit about what your mom and dad have been going through for the past few years with you (and what you have to look forward to). I want to tell you what it is like for a mom when they realize there comes a day in our lives when we become unemployed as parents, and are ‘demoted’ to being ‘just’ Mom (or Dad).

So without further ado…

Dear Kids,
It has come to my attention that my job of being a parent is over—that I am now ‘just’ Mom. And I’m here to tell you it hasn’t been an easy transition to make. The moment the nurse placed each of you in my arms, my parenting radar kicked into high gear and stayed there…24/7. I have cared for you, provided for you, nursed you back to health, taught you a good number of things, disciplined you, picked up after you, shared with you, sacrificed for you, laughed with you, cried with you.... In short, I’ve been completely and utterly devoted to you. You own my heart and are my life’s greatest accomplishments.

Parenting hasn’t been an easy job, but it is one I wouldn’t trade for anything in the universe. Then all of a sudden (and I do mean sudden), you grew up and decided you didn’t need parenting anymore. You wanted and needed to make your own mistakes, your own decisions, your own accomplishments—to live your own life. You still want me to be your mom, of course, but you don’t want me doing all those other things anymore. You just want me to be there to love you, to cheer you on, to be Nanna to your children, and to be a shoulder to lean on and ear to bend when you decide that’s what you want to do. 

Theoretically I know that’s a good thing. It was what your dad and I raised you to do. But it happened at an awkward time for me (and for you, too). It happened right after you rolled, fumbled, and roared out of your teens—the years parenting is at its most intense and vigilant. So when I suddenly found myself out of a job, so to speak, it took a while for me to adjust. It took a while for me to figure out how to be a mom without being a parent. And yes, I’ll admit there are times when I still don’t get it—that I actually stink at being ‘just’ Mom.

You need to know we moms don’t do these things intentionally, but it isn’t easy to walk away from a job you’ve done for so long, loved so much, and been so committed to. You also need to give us parents a little grace and understanding, because a) we still have that whole age, experience, and wisdom thing going on, and b) you are going to be us sooner than you can imagine and you are going to want the same for yourselves. So be kind, be patient, be willing to admit that from time to time you might benefit from a little bit of parenting, and most of all, remember how very much I love you. 

Love,
Every mom of an adult child

As of today I’ve been a mom for exactly 12,972 days—a mom who loves her children unconditionally and would move heaven and earth for them. But my parenting days are over…for the most part, anyway. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

Love,

Momma D
                                  Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.