Monday, August 28, 2017

I'm NOT Sorry

In the grocery store...at the mall...in a restaurant...at the zoo-nearly everywhere I've been lately, I have witnessed a child doing one or more of the following:

*Throwing a tantrum because they aren't getting their way
*Running (as in actual running) through the store upsetting merchandise and even knocking a toddler down
*Ripping open a package to get a better look at the toy inside the box
*Throwing food at their parent and refusing to eat it
*Telling their parent 'no' and 'shut up'
*I've even heard a mom apologizing to her preschooler for disciplining her when she got mad at mom for having the audacity to do so!

Hey, I know parenting isn't easy. I have four kids. I know kids have their moments. I also know kids sometimes have a knack for picking the worst possible time to have those moments.

I know these things because my kids weren't perfect (and still aren't). Olivia got in trouble more than once when she was a toddler for taking things off the shelf and putting them in my cart. I also lost her in a store once because she crawled under a circular rack of clothing. When Emma was a baby she noisily refused to eat anything we put in front of her one day in a restaurant. She also went into major 'pout mode' if I dared to put her in a dress with a sash that tied in the back. I still swear she could breathe fire at me for that one. Elizabeth got 'the look' and a firm talking-to after church once or twice for talking to her friends during the service. There was also that time she got a little too rambunctious with her mini-grocery cart in Kroger's. That really was an accident, but I had warned her to be careful more than once. Zach almost pushed Elizabeth off the saddle chairs in McDonalds once because he wanted the one she was sitting in, and one time when we were eating lunch with an elderly woman, he told her he didn't like what she was serving.

See, I told you they weren't perfect. But I'll tell you something else, too. When the kids said or did something inappropriate, they were told to stop...now. They were told why their behavior was unacceptable (if they didn't already know), and they were disciplined accordingly for their misbehavior.

Oh, and here's something else you need to know...I'M  NOT THE LEAST BIT SORRY FOR ANY OF IT.

I'm not sorry my kids were expected and required to be respectful to John and me as well as others.
I'm not sorry my kids were not allowed to mishandle or mistreat their toys, clothes, books, and such. I'm not sorry my kids weren't allowed to use foul language or talk back to us. I'm not sorry my kids didn't get everything they thought they needed or wanted. I'm not sorry things like going out to eat or going to get ice cream was a special treat--not something they felt they were entitled to. I'm not sorry my kids were required to obey, to do chores, and to follow the rules. And you can take it to the bank that I never have or never will apologize for disciplining my kids when they didn't do any of the above.

It's your job as a parent to teach your kids how to behave respectfully and responsibly. It's also your job as a parent to discipline your kids if they don't. And for the love of popcorn, don't apologize for disciplining them. If you do, you'll really have something to be sorry for later on.


Love,
Momma D
                         Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                   

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Have I Ever Told You About Calvin?

Several years ago we discovered a nest of baby mice in the feed shed. As we proceeded in ridding the building of the little critters, eight year-old Olivia insisted on making one of them a pet. After all, it was only fair since Elizabeth had a hamster. We had plenty of suitable cages to put it in, so in her mind it was a win-win situation. She even picked out a name for her new pet in the few minutes she spent trying to win me over. His name would be Calvin.

How could I argue with such a solid plan? And Calvin was actually a pretty cute name for a pet…even a pet mouse. So being the great mom sucker that I was, Olivia joyfully picked up one of the babies and hurried to the house to get him settled in his new home.
A week or so later, however, Calvin decided to venture out of his home. He was on the loose in the house! We set traps (not the life-ending kind) and watched for signs of where he was or had been. Nothing. Calvin was nowhere to be found. I kept up my vigil for two or three weeks, but when there were no signs of him, I gave up; assuming he had made his way back to the feed shed or barn. Wrong!
After the last day of school prior to Christmas break, I was cleaning out Olivia’s backpack and guess what I found? No, not Calvin ‘in the flesh’, but evidence Calvin had been there—shredded tissues, hard candy from the art teacher Calvin had obviously found to be rather tasty, and a few other ‘things’. In other words, Calvin had gone to school with Olivia and for all I knew, was still there! Maybe ignoring his disappearance hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
A day or two after Christmas Calvin found his way into one of the traps we’d set for him in the girls’ closet. Apparently he wasn’t too crazy about school. But that didn’t matter. Calvin didn’t get a second chance at being a pet.
The adventures of Calvin taught Olivia a valuable lesson in why not to take a mouse in as a pet. But the adventures of Calvin taught me something even more important. Calvin’s adventures taught me that problems aren’t solved by ignoring them or pretending they aren’t there. Ignoring or denying a problem exists only makes it worse and increases its radius of potential harm.
So if your child is having trouble in school, address the issue and get them the help they need. If your child is consistently misbehaving, showing disrespect, or acting out, don’t brush it off as ‘just a stage’. Let your child know their behavior is unacceptable, teach them the appropriate optional behavior, and let them experience the consequences of not making the switch. If your child shows signs of being bullied, having anxiety, eating disorders, using drugs or alcohol, or any other harmful behavior, don’t deny it could be happening to your child, because it can. Don’t settle for anything less than getting them the help they need. It might possibly save their life.
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but thanks, Calvin.

Love,
Momma D

                        Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                          

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Sometimes They Did...Sometimes They Didn't...But They ALWAYS Survived

Can you smell it? You know…the smell of new crayons, glue sticks, new tennis shoes, and unsharpened pencils. Oh, the days of shopping for school supplies.

With four kids it was quite an undertaking and let’s just say Wal-Mart was glad to see me coming. But I didn’t mind. In fact, I had as much fun watching and helping them pick out what they needed and wanted (within reason) as they did. There’s just something about starting something new that gives you energy and hope.

The kids hoped they got certain teachers. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped they were in the same homeroom as their best friends. Sometimes they were…and sometimes they weren’t.

They kids hoped they got the same lunch period as most of their friends. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped their school ID pictures would look halfway decent instead of like a mug shot. Sometimes they did…and sometimes, well, you know the drill.

With each new school year came both excitement and disappointments. But then life is like that, isn’t it?

After all, it’s really not the end of the world if they don't always get the teacher they wanted. They’re still going to learn what they are supposed to learn. And the world really won't stop turning if your child isn’t in the same homeroom or lunch period as their best friend—I promise. The ID pictures? Sorry, no guarantee on that one, either. I mean is there anyone who can take a good picture when you have all of ten seconds to step into place and say ‘cheese’ before the weird guy behind the camera takes one shot and hollers “Next!”?

As parents we know these things aren’t worth stressing over, but our kids don’t—not yet anyway. That’s where you come in. It’s your job to teach them to take things as they come and make the best of them—to instill in your children a sense of resiliency.

Children who are resilient have better social skills, have a stronger sense of self-confidence, are less likely to be bullied or to be a bully, and have must stronger coping skills when it comes to things that really should be considered as a struggle or disappointment. What’s more, studies show that resilient children turn into resilient adults.

So…as the new school year approaches, don’t feel bad about telling your child they have to choose a $15 dollar back pack instead of a $50 one. And don’t let them whine and moan because they have first lunch period instead of third like ‘everyone’ else does. They’ll get over it…and be better people for it.

Love,
Momma D
                                  Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.